Certainly one of our more interesting topics for discussion is the dreaded naughty talk! When do we say dreaded? Well, simply because the thought of it can often terrify some couples with embarrassment. However, if you’re in a close, intimate relationship with your partner and you have trust between the two fo you then there should really be nothing to be afraid of. Getting past this hurdle can often be one of the best things you ever did for your relationship as just this alone can help bring the two of you closer together. However, if you are in a newer relationship and you are still in that getting to know you phase with your partner then naughty talk can seem a little more daunting.
There are of course many people who are quickly comfortable with the idea of talking dirty with their partner and will instantly find the idea a huger turn on. All it takes is a little practice and knowing what to say and how to say it.
The differences in dirty talk between men and women
Although dirty talk is shared between you and your partner, there are slight differences in how a man should use dirty talk as opposed to a woman. This mainly comes down to the differences between men and women and what they find attractive. For example, men will often like to hear more blatantly dirty words than women (but not always), whereas women are often more turned on by the use of implication and ambiguity when talking about naughty things the man would like to do to her or her to him. Basically, women can often get away more with turning up the heat with blatant naughty words straight off the bat, whereas women often enjoy being warmed up and teased first with ambiguity.
Just as important as the words you use are the way in which you say it. Your tonality is everything when it comes to talking dirty, especially when a guy is trying to seduce a woman. Most guys are not aware that the quality, strength, and depth of a man’s voice can have a profound effect on a woman and is often a quality that many women specifically look for in a guy. If you’re a man with a high, squeaky voice then this will definitely need work. However, fear not, this is something that you can actually change to a greater or lesser degree. Does this mean that you can eventually achieve a Barry Manilow style voice? Unlikely, but with practice, you can certainly cultivate a sexy and seductive voice capable of stirring a woman’s loins at will if you aim to.
One more critical component to effective dirty talk is the rate of which you speak. As a general rule, when you start to talk in this way to your partner you will want to slow down your speech by about 30-50%. A great way to do this is to also insert pauses at specific places, particularly just before a naughty word or an adjective. Doing this creates a moment of suspense and heightens the person senses to what you are saying and about to say.
To understand this more, it is important to take a look at the four different elements of your speaking voice. These are;
To get a good understanding of these important aspects, see this article from FastCompany on the speaking voice here.
Here is a great tip on the seductive voice tone by http://www.sensualitysecrets.com
Dirty talk for women
For the ladies wanting to use dirty talk with a guy it is important to bear in mind the following tips;
- Lower your voice slightly
- Slow down your speech and use strategic pauses
- Test the waters first with a little ambiguity and suggestive phrases
- Turn up the heat and use more sexually explicit words once you see he is enjoying it
As the two of you get closer you can also place your lips very close to his ear or even resting on the bone at the back of his ear, known as the mastoid process, as you continue to talk dirty to him in a seductively low tone or even a whisper. The reason the mastoid process is so effective to place your lips on when talking to him in this way is that it helps to conduct sound vibrations directly into his ear, which can cause him to feel strongly aroused.
Learning what turns your man on is also a very important component which will enable you to tailor your messages specifically for him in order to push his hot buttons. This is explained in more detail here in the dirty talk article by Female Secrets. They also have several other useful tips for pulling this off and making it work for you.
Dirty talk for men
For men, the techniques of the erotic talk are similar; you want to start by slowing down your speed of talking and begin to talk in a slightly deeper (but not excessively exaggerated) way. The technique of inserting strategic pauses in your language is also highly effective when used on a woman so be sure to use this also as is the technique of resting your lips on her mastoid process (as mentioned above) is also highly effective once the two of you move closer together into the intimate zone. Men should also be sure to;
- Lower your tone and allow your voice to deepen and vibrate
- Start off slow and use sexual ambiguity to create intrigue
- Aim at getting her insatiably curious about what you are going to say next
- Avoid explicitly dirty words until/unless she uses them first
- Don’t be vulgar
- Use implication and suggestive language rather than directly stating what you want to do to her of what you want her to do to you
Here are some more great tips on talking dirty to a woman by Men’s Fitness here.
Have you had experience with talking dirty with your partner? Perhaps you’re a seasoned expert? Let us know your experiences and top tips in the comments!